My Lil’ Helpers-Cute Overload.

Often, when I’m in the middle of a project, I have two great helpers right by my side. They don’t offer tools, advice or lend a hand. And I realize that I have a problem.

They mesmerize me with their cuteness. Take this pose by Maxwell. I call it the “Supercat”.

He excels at this pose. With dangling feet mid-air, he encompasses both the regality of a superhero along with the fuzzy laissez-faire attitude one expects from a cat.

As if to further solidify his laissez-faire attitude, when caught photographing my Supercat subject, I am greeted with this obviously smug face. “What? Are you adoring me again? Oh, go on.”

Then, there is this white beauty who quietly watches me from the other side of the room. She knows she’s pretty, she expects treats for any good deed she performs and she will deceptively steal twine as you are trying to wrap a present.

However, she gets away with it because of these. I’m not kidding. These adorable little mittens get her out of all sorts of trouble. I think I’ve spanked her a total of 5 times in her life-and felt guilty every time.

If I can’t even discipline these lil’ helpers, I think I have no hope for disciplining my pre-destined “Supercute” children. I hope Biceps is stronger than I am.

3 Weeks Until Christmas

Confession time: Christmas is my absolute, unequivocally, most favorite time of year. I start the Christmas Carols on Thanksgiving day and don’t stop until well into January. I decorate the day after Thanksgiving and love creating new themes each year for the house. My station is tuned to 94.1, which in Tulsa is “all Christmas-all the time”.

And one of my favorite things to do this time of year is to create a bizarre Christmas photo with my best friend and husband.

Here are a few from Christmas past:

2007.
Ah, yes. The ’80’s were a good decade. The hair, the high waisted swimsuits, the neon colors, the immovable cobra hair. Could it get any better than that?

2005.
Our house blew up. Seriously. Why not wish our friends and family Merry Christmas with a picture of total devastation?

2008.
Bananas in hammocks. ‘Nuff said.

If your appetite is now whetted and you aren’t satisfied with just three lovely Christmas Card pictures-don’t worry. There’s more where this came from. Including litter boxes, cats, missionaries, glamour shots and more.

We’ve been doing this since our first year of marriage in 2001 and we just finished this year’s beauty. I wish I could share 2012’s masterpiece with you now, but I must wait until all recipients on my long list have received their cards first.

Let’s just say, it’s pretty awesome.

Deceitfully Yours-Kittens and Christmas

They look innocent and act as if they never do anything wrong. As Bianca scratches at the rug, I firmly say, “No!”. She looks up at me and doesn’t stop. That’s when the spanking happens. It doesn’t faze her. In fact, when I’m spanking Max, he plops over, shows his belly and starts purring. How can you discipline that?

I still try, but more often than not end up laughing. I know-terrible parenting.

But, we’ve had some issues this Christmas that’s about to push me over the edge. My firm “NO!”, the increased velocity on the spankings, and air horn blasts that deafen me-are not doing the trick.

Ornaments are found broken and strewn about if I turn my back for a second. And they sit there in the midst of the rubble as if they have no idea how it happened.

Our home has become a battleground instead of the peaceful Christmas atmosphere I was hoping for. If I leave home, I have to prop a chair against the swinging door leading from the living room into the kitchen to banish these two naughty ornament destroyers.

(They’ve figured how to push against the door to get it to open. These are highly trained ninja cats.)

And the two guest bathroom doors have to remain shut, because they cannot handle the temptations of the tinsel and tiny ornaments in jars.

Their world is getting smaller and smaller and they aren’t liking it.

They may look docile, have extremely cute paws and cuddle me to death at night, but don’t be deceived. These highly trained ninja cats with razor sharp claws are on a mission to destroy Christmas and my sanity.

Help! How do you keep your animals away from your Christmas decor?

The Kittens-from Handheld to Back Brace

Biceps insisted upon adopting two kittens when our sweet Cowboy passed away last year. If you’ve been reading my blog at all, you will have no doubt seen some of Maxwell and Bianca’s antics, along with photographed evidence. I’ve shared about them getting stuck in the fireplace, to being a prime target for a hungry hawk (that continues to stalk them), to our futile efforts in training them.

I haven’t talked about the kittens in awhile. Time flies when you’re having fun.

How can someone so tiny that was once held in the palm of my hand….

…grow into this? Maxwell literally weighs 14 pounds and it’s all muscle. He is a force to be reckoned with.

And how can this sweet little girl, that once smelled of potpourri and was happiest nuzzled into Bicep’s shoulder/chin area…

…grow so big she hardly fits on her favorite scratching post anymore? Bianca weighs about half of what Maxwell does, but she still wears out my arms and shoulders when she’s in a cuddly mood and wants to be held.

I tell them to quit growing, but they won’t listen to me.

They are busy catching bugs, attacking Q-tips and bear-hugging the backs of our legs.

Even though they are “all grown up”, they will always be my kittens. Yep. Cheesy, I know. But, a fact is a fact.