Man Hands?

Dear Readers:
I have shared with you my inadequacies as a human as I begged for help with my hair debacle. I’ve shown you my messy kitchen and have revealed to you my loneliness after the guest go home.

Now, I am guilty of something even more sinister and grotesque.

Exhibit A:
These are not man’s hands as you would suppose (or surmise). Whatever adjective works for me.
These are my hands.
Let the record show: Awful cuticles followed by poorly misshapen nails and extreme skin dryness.

Exhibit B:
Scrapes, scratches and pulled off hangnails contribute to the debauchery.

Let the record show: Nothing is being done to rectify the situation. The defendant is displaying a lifestyle of grouting tile, washing dishes without gloves, sanding wood and anything else women with nice hands don’t do.

The verdict: I am guilty of a heinous crime-Hand Abuse and must serve 1-2 days in intensive therapy to improve the Hand Abuse situation.

Case closed.