Of Family: Fears and Failures

You may argue with me, but my family is the best. My parents have always been consistently faithful to each other, to us as role models and to their commitment to lead a Godly life.

However, we aren’t without our mistakes. And I’m not without my regrets as to how I’ve treated them, what I’ve said  or my crappy attitudes when they don’t do what I want them to do.

Each time we all get together, I tell myself that I’m going to be mature, I’m going to respond with grace and humility and I’ll give to them generously.

But I don’t. I act like a bratty 8 year old. I fail terribly. I get crabby. I demand my way. I get ticked off, retreat to my closet, eat chocolate and cry. And pet the cat(s). Thank God for cats. Seriously.

Then, I crawl back to the party I’ve offended and ask for forgiveness. It’s the same dooloop over and over again. I feel hopeless that I’ll ever really change. And you’d think I’d learn.

After all, I’m old enough to know better, I’m a mother in waiting, supposedly a “professional” and a wife of 12 years. But 8-year-old-Becky rears her ugly head time after time after time after time…

I’m so thankful for the Creator of the universe and for His forgiveness. Otherwise, I may end up seriously hopeless-never leaving my closet, nutritionally destitute from my steady chocolate diet and perhaps even rejected by my cats due to stinkyness.

But in Him I find hope that I can and I will change-with His help.

“If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:3-5

Like me, you may have difficulties with the people you love the most. My intention with my vulnerability is to encourage you out of the stinky, chocolate-laden closet while in pursuit of His cleansing forgiveness.

Don’t give up hope. In Him there is hope!

Hens with Chicks and Tornados

Biceps and I went to the state fair this week. Amongst the interesting sightings of mullets, rat tails, butt cracks and cops eating food…I witnessed something this non-country, country girl has never before seen.

On display were 48 eggs all in some state of incubation. Surrounding the cracked egg shells were fluffy yellow chicks–climbing, snuggling and bumbling around the cage. A few eggs were just hatching, pushing their way toward the outer world. Slimy, with matted feathers, these newborns painstakingly chipped through their shells and were slowly climbing out in search of freedom.

Watching this beautiful scenario unfold, I was reminded of God’s goodness, of His protection over me and of his unending faithfulness.

“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Psalm 91:4

At times, when I feel as though the weight of my small world is on my shoulders and there is no hope, I am reminded to turn to the Truth. What does God say about my tiny, little life?

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'” Psalm 91:1 & 2

I want to rest in the shadow of the Almighty-the creator of heaven and earth. This doesn’t mean I’m exempt from suffering, from pain or from experiencing the ramifications of the evil in this world.

Blame it on my Kansas upbringing, but tornados always come to mind when I think of the resting in God during the midst of trouble. Picture being in the middle of a tornado, swirling around and around. However, you are wrapped in industrial strength bubble wrap with a gigantic bouncy mat to land on.

That’s how I picture God protecting me in times of trouble-He’s my industrial strength bubble wrap, my hen with outstretched wings, my refuge and my shelter. And in Him I find rest.

Do you feel like you are in the midst of trouble, but don’t know how to rest in God’s shadow? Will you email me (or comment here if you feel so bold) and tell me how I can pray for you?

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Psalm 91:11 & 12

Things are happening right now.

Quite often I get caught up in tomorrow’s to-do list. Or even the next day’s, or next week’s, or next month’s. Every once in awhile, I’ll have a quiet moment as I sit on my back porch, watch the sun break through the darkness, the birds wake up-and I’m reminded of the “here and now”.

Here are a few things happening right now.

This guy is busy burrowing through the grass chasing a worm. It’s a thrillingly slow chase.

I’ve created “The Birds” in my backyard due to a bagful of old bread. I’m a little afraid of eyeball removal by aforementioned feathered foes, but you gotta take risks sometimes.

This hot little number has been studying every spare minute to take his year end test-which secures his job with Tulsa Fire Department-today. The term “year-end test”, has become the butt of many a joke. Just say the words out loud.

Yep. Sounds like urine test, doesn’t it?

I have harvested okra, tomatoes and peppers this morning-and in turn reaped the benefits of 576 bug bites, 2 muddy shoes and one irritated-by-okra-leaves arm.

As I folded laundry, did dishes and got ready for my day-my mind raced through my real estate listings and everything I needed to do-(while “Love Shack” by the B-52’s and “I want to hold your hand” by the Beatles synonymously played in the back of my brain-obviously).

I knew I needed to quit worrying and grabbed the book of absolute truth. (My thoughts are italicized).

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life (seriously-me not worry?!), what you will eat or drink (I think about what I’m going to eat next while I’m still eating); or about your body (I find flaws on it nearly every day), what you will wear (it only takes me a few hours to decide). Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father (or Rebekah) feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they (am I? woah.)? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? (you’ve got a good point there, God…)
Matthew 6:24-34

During my “here and now”, worry tends to take over. But after reading this scripture, I was reminded to stop and observe the mushrooms (I have no roses to smell) and give my worry, fear, anxiety, and stress over to God. After all, if He can prompt some girl in Tulsa to share her day old bread with the sparrows, won’t He see to it that I’m taken care of?

My “House of Dirt”

Biceps follows someone on Instagram that makes him mad. According to him, “they are so good, so in shape, so muscular and so ridiculously strong” it makes him angry that he’s not on that level. As if Biceps could get any stronger or better looking.

My response to his instagram outburst this morning was: “They’re going to die, too.” A callous (but funny?) response, I know. There is no escaping death-unless you are Michael Jackson and you have yourself frozen, of course.

No matter what we do with our time, we will all meet an end. As my pastor has said, “We are houses of dirt.”

I spend almost an hour a day sweating my butt off so that I’m not totally embarrassed to wear a swimsuit. Sure, it’s good for my health, my heart, my longevity-and of course, Biceps appreciates it.

However, whether I’m Ms. Fitness or not (leaning more towards the “not”), I’m going to die and decay and rot. Muscles and fat and all.

I spend countless hours a week ridding my home of softball-sized white dust bunnies, courtesy of two furry felines. Literally, I feel as if my house is really a “house of dirt”.

I wash our clothes, wipe down sinks, do dishes, clean mirrors, mow our lawn, tend the garden, wash the van, sweep up more dust bunnies (and then clump them into one giant fur pile to gross out Biceps).

But, our house could be leveled by a tornado or even a sharknado tomorrow-and all my cleaning, decorating and obsessing would be back to square one.

I watch as the women I know work themselves into a frenzy-and I’m tempted to follow suit. My phone dings, rings and notifies me of something every two seconds. I am constantly “on call” as a realtor. My day doesn’t really end. I could make a little money with this job; or a lot of money and buy everything I’ve ever wanted and then what? I die?

If you have been storing your treasures here on earth-whether it’s a physically fit body, the perfectly clean showcase home, the awards and recognition from a job well done-I want to remind you that we are all made of dirt. We will all die and decay.

And then what?

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 6:20