“Who dun it?”

A Modern Tale of Men, Mayhem and Machine Guns
(alright, they weren’t machine guns. They were Rubber Band Guns, but I was going for the whole alliteration thing…)

Biceps and I made gifts for our family this year. The ladies received girly things. The men received very manly things. Fourteen Rubber Band Guns were crafted for the men. They received their new weaponry and enough ammunition to do some damage to the loved ones surrounding them.

With the guns loaded and the rules explained to young and old alike…

…and with every man suppressing way too much energy for way too stinkin’ long on Christmas day, the stage was ripe for a modern, ‘Who dun it’ scenario.

A fired gun and a naughty motive are all that it takes to convict a man. And there were several men in this predicament.

Father turned against son. Grandson turned against Grandfather. Brother threatened brother.

And then, a shot rang out. A door slammed.

The maid screamed.
And my father had been maliciously targeted by an unknown shooter…

…and hit! Oh, the pain! The agony!
The guilty party still has yet to step forward and admit to what they had done. But justice is swift in this house and you cannot hide from justice. Good luck hiding, guilty one. Good luck.

Weird Christmas Cards Photos

It all started when I met Kayle.

He seemed normal enough. In fact, he seemed much cooler than me. He played in a band, owned a house, had tattoos and rode a motorcycle.

As we all know, first impressions can be deceiving. After a few months of dating this cool guy, I began to get to know the real him. Here are a couple of weird things about my seemingly perfect man:

I found out he toots during ab workouts.
And he cannot be interrupted when eating cereal.
He has no ‘favorites’; as in favorite movies, candy, or food.
He folds down his socks when he wants to be ‘casual’.
Often, he gets distracted during conversation and begins to count the number of letters in the words you are saying. For example, his favorite word(s) to count is Family Restaurant. ‘Why’, you may ask? Because there are 16 letters in this phrase and that makes 4 beats of 4. Get it? Neither do I….

At any rate, all these eccentricities pointed to the fact that he was indeed weirder than me. But it is still a close race on who reigns in the weirdness department.

And when two weirdos join forces, this is what happens.

Christmas 2001. 

A little funny, but not overboard. We started off innocently enough. Also, we made the firm decision that everyone we know gets a card and a picture, no exceptions. This includes but is not limited to: our friends, relatives, accountants, pastors, boss’, etc.

Sometimes, I regret this decision.
Like pretty much every year.

And then, Christmas 2002.

We were in Boston on tour with Hubby’s band. We had to make do with what we had, and this is what we chose. It’s pretty cute, I think.
Man, I loved those mittens.

Christmas 2003.

By far our most normal picture to date. We took this at the Flea Market in Tulsa where we get our ornament for the year. Subsequently, I broke this ornament in 2009. Geesh….I am such a clutz sometimes.

However….Life really can take some twists and turns, can’t it?

Christmas 2004 was a tough one. No card or picture was sent out that we can recall. We were more concerned with the small explosion that happened at the end of 2004.

To commemorate the explosion, we sent this picture out for Christmas 2005.  As you can see, our house blew up. It was a miracle not a soul was hurt, but that is a whole other story.
And we knew our lives and the expectations on our Christmas card pictures would never be the same.

Christmas 2006. 

A missions moment with the Greiman’s.

Christmas 2007. 
How do I explain why we decided to do this? I can’t and won’t.

Bananas in hammocks for Christmas 2008. 
I wouldn’t recommend trying to drive around in one of these costumes.

Christmas 2009.
Merry Poop-mas. My pastor didn’t say a word about receiving his card this year.

Christmas 2010.I have never felt more beautiful in all my life…And crazy.

Christmas 2011. We explored our Germanic roots.

What’s better than giving Satan a wedgie? Nothing, that’s what. Christmas 2012-full of heavenly humor.

2013 Christmas Card Photo. The year of the dork.
 

Bloomin’ Bloomington, In

During the cold and burry winter, its often difficult to convince myself to leave the hotel room and play ‘tourist’. I find the trip out of doors was worth it as I peruse my new photos later that day.

We suited up for a brisk walk around Bloomington, In. Of course, this involved getting a cup of coffee first. Nothing can be done without coffee.

The town square was quaint and came complete with an old theater (still functioning), several coffee shops (thank God) and old bookstores.

Even though I spilled my coffee on my very cute homemade Sweater Mittens, I was very happy with my decision to leave the hotel room. The coffee washed out of my cute mittens, thankfully. There was a lesson learned-make dark colored mittens for coffee consumption.

Anywho, the town was preparing for Christmas with festive window displays, cinnamon latte’s and….

…twinkle lights.

Lots of lights. This town knows how to party. Too bad I’ll be sleeping when they light these suckers up. Maybe with another cup of coffee, I can stay up past my bedtime and watch the glory unfold…
Or maybe I need another cup of coffee just because. Either way, I am stimulating the Bloomington economy and there just isn’t anything wrong with that.

Magical Mantel Decor

Truthfully, my ‘Magical Mantel Decor’ isn’t really magical.
It can’t grant you three wishes.
It cannot get rid of that zit before the big holiday party.
It can’t make you lose ten pounds.
But, it is pretty and shiny and oh, so very easy to do.

And that, to me, is a recipe for ‘Magic’. Plus, this decor is inexpensive. Therefore, Biceps thinks our Mantel Decor is magic to our budget.

All that you need for your own Magical Mantel Decor is:
Metallic Spray Paint and a drop cloth/plastic sheet
Desired Christmas Ornaments
Tinsel (not pictured)
Felled tree limbs-or go and cut them off of your living tree, while apologizing to it. That’s what I did.

Spray the tree limbs with the metallic spray paint. I recommend doing this out of doors, unless you like that fuzzy headed feeling. Let the limbs dry.

Place tinsel on the mantel before arranging the silvery tree limbs. Hang glittery Christmas bulbs from the limbs and intersperse them on the mantel itself.

And try not to drop any of them.

Stand back and take in the amazing thing you just created. Smile at your geniusness, laugh at your dusty pocketbook, scoff at stores selling ‘mantel decor’. You, my friend, have conquered your mantel.
Be proud-or humble. Whatever you think Baby Jesus would recommend.
(PS-I have had several peeps asking me about the MIRROR above my mantel. Here’s the link, if you would like to see a tutorial on how to make it for yourself!)