Deceitfully Yours-Kittens and Christmas

They look innocent and act as if they never do anything wrong. As Bianca scratches at the rug, I firmly say, “No!”. She looks up at me and doesn’t stop. That’s when the spanking happens. It doesn’t faze her. In fact, when I’m spanking Max, he plops over, shows his belly and starts purring. How can you discipline that?

I still try, but more often than not end up laughing. I know-terrible parenting.

But, we’ve had some issues this Christmas that’s about to push me over the edge. My firm “NO!”, the increased velocity on the spankings, and air horn blasts that deafen me-are not doing the trick.

Ornaments are found broken and strewn about if I turn my back for a second. And they sit there in the midst of the rubble as if they have no idea how it happened.

Our home has become a battleground instead of the peaceful Christmas atmosphere I was hoping for. If I leave home, I have to prop a chair against the swinging door leading from the living room into the kitchen to banish these two naughty ornament destroyers.

(They’ve figured how to push against the door to get it to open. These are highly trained ninja cats.)

And the two guest bathroom doors have to remain shut, because they cannot handle the temptations of the tinsel and tiny ornaments in jars.

Their world is getting smaller and smaller and they aren’t liking it.

They may look docile, have extremely cute paws and cuddle me to death at night, but don’t be deceived. These highly trained ninja cats with razor sharp claws are on a mission to destroy Christmas and my sanity.

Help! How do you keep your animals away from your Christmas decor?

Behind the scenes of Normalcy

You and I both know that for every finished family photo hanging on a wall, there had to be 10 more weird ones rejected. Whether you are the photographer or hired a camera-snapper to do the dirty work-you’ve seen what I’m talking about.

Little Aden is picking his nose. Grandma is coughing into a kleenex. Brother Nimrod is rolling his eyes. And of course, the rabbit ears are a must in at least one photo.

So, when you saw my somewhat normal family photos, you probably thought-“Yeah, but what do they really look like?”.

Let’s discuss this photo.

1. I didn’t make it into the frame, because I set the delay and tripped over the curb.
2. On the left, Biceps doesn’t seem to be helping the distracting situation by dancing.
3. Neither is my oldest (and should be MOST mature) brother who is engaging in some sort of air guitar.
4. Several persons are including the eyes-closed method for taking pictures.
5. One child is intrigued with the veins on the leaves. I get it. They’re cool. But let’s wait for science discoveries until after the photo shoot.
6. One child has paddle hands.
7. The other two look as if they would rather be anywhere else other than here.
8. Pretty much the only “normals” are my 94 year old grandmother and beautiful sis-in-law on the right in an ivory sweater.

But, this is an improvement.

From this.

Who are my stand-ins while I try to find the right lighting. However, things get weirder.

Remember the aforementioned “normal” sis-in-law? She ain’t looking so normal now, is she? More creepy than anything…

It’s just getting creepier.

Do you see what I have to deal with? And I’m so normal, I just don’t understand this weirdness.

Seriously.

Does Christmas Shopping Online Actually Save Time or Money?

So, it’s cold. Like, “never want to leave the house cold or get out of my house pants” cold. And-“make hot cinnamon tea 24/7” cold.

I have a really cute fireplace that’s warm, decorated with homemade stockings, vintage tinsel, retro deer and homemade “Who-ville” trees (according to Biceps).

Right next to that is our sparkly silver tree in all of its retro glory, filled with ornaments collected over the years.

Throughout the house are old jars filled with vintage ornaments, tinsel and tiny trees. My house is literally vomiting Christmas. Be aware if you plan to come and visit.

With all of this lovely Christmas-ness, why would I ever want to leave to go Christmas shopping? Plus, leaving makes my tea cold.

So, I decided to try and give online shopping a try. I here it’s all the rage. (Welcome to the ’90’s, Rebekah…)

Normally, I make most of our gifts alongside my trusty sidekick, Biceps. This year won’t allow for such luxuries and since I am a borderline agoraphobic-I have a confession to make.

I’ve decided to hit the internet.

I trolled all the “great deals”, checked out coupons and researched what was requested of Santa by family members. It felt so weird just buying gifts, but it felt oh-so good doing it in the comfort of my living room.

I have to question what’s happening to me, though. The next thing you know I’ll be throwing out ziplock bags rather than washing and re-using them and purchasing store-bought laundry detergent.

Perhaps you are making homemade gifts, as I’ve done years past. Or are you opting to shop with the masses, or the chase of a Black Friday deal, or maybe on your couch-sipping hot tea?

Do you think that online shopping actually saves any time or money-or am I barking up the wrong sparkly tree? Hold on. Before you answer-I need to go make another cup of tea, in my housepants.

Christmas Clean-Up

It’s time for it to come down. The tree, the holly, the mistletoe, the lights. All of it.
Granted, I have been listening to and enjoying Christmas music since before Thanksgiving. But, it’s time for all of it to be packed up into boxes and stored away in the attic.

 

I have had my fill of keeping the cats away from the tree, closing them off from certain parts of the house, or cringing when I hear an ornament hit the floor.
So, I start off by corralling all of my Christmas miscellany onto the dining room table. There are jars, platters and dishes full of bulbs, balls, and tinsel.

After pouring a glass of wine, I turn on Billie Holiday and assess my opponents.

 

I can never remember how I got all of that into there.
Max and Bianca entertain themselves as they jump in and out of the empty boxes and chase the run-away tinsel.

 

Certain guilty parties incriminate themselves over and over…

 

…and over.

 

Our Christmas ornaments span the years-beginning with my first out-of-college roommate and I co-investing in maroon and gold ornaments purchased from Wal-mart. We spent $5 between us to decorate our tree. That was high-living for us back then.

 

Now, black and white Ikea balls, along with sparkling blue and silver ornaments have been added to the Christmas decor mix. Throw in a dash of Grandma’s vintage ornaments, vintage deer from the flea market and our yearly ornament purchase, and I am running out of uses for all of them.

 

Soon, everything is packed away, taped up and ready for next year’s frivolities. It almost feels as if Christmas had never happened.
Except for the tinsel I keep finding squirreled away in nooks and crannies due in part to my weird cats Bianca and Max.
I don’t think they can let Christmas go either. I suppose we are good for each other.