Guess who’s birthday it is today?
Maxwell has officially turned one.
And this is how he is choosing to spend his big day.
I can’t blame the guy. I’d prefer to spend my birthday much the same-catching up on my sleep.
We are so glad you are a part of our lives, Max. Happy Birthday (said in a hushed tone)!
Once upon a time, there were two leashed white cats innocently hanging out in the backyard, with their owner nearby. A Red Tailed Hawk entered the scene, swooped down and alighted on the chain link fence that separated the neighbor’s yards.
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For a moment the world stood still.
The Red Tailed Hawk was impressive-with an intimidating wingspan of 4-5 feet, razor sharp claws and a scary, pointy beak that can poke kittens eyes out.
At a whopping 13 pounds of pure muscle, this “kitten” would be almost impossible for the aforementioned Red Hawk to lift off the ground.
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However, this bird of prey wouldn’t realize this until after sinking its sharp and pointy talons into a muscle-bound Maxwell. Max’s instincts took over and he peeled out in the grass, aiming for the open back door. His race for safety caused the attached leash to knock over the fire pit and the two bikes on our back porch.
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The Red Hawk took off, disturbed both by me and by the insanity created by Maxwell. The “kitten” ducked inside, his tail had exploding to three times larger than normal and the hair mohawk on his back standing on end. The poor little guy’s body shook all over and his breathing accelerated to a “Rebekah-on-a-roller-coaster-scared” status.
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After further research, I realized there was nothing I could do to keep this bird of prey away. It’s even protected by the government-sorry, Biceps.
I think my only option is to add weighted vests to the kittens halters. If only they came in extra-extra small cat sizes….
Dear Readers:
I need your help in the cat training department. It may seem surprising to tell you these kittens aren’t perfect. And yes, they are so cute it’s hard to believe they don’t obey my every command. In fact, their cuteness is the only thing keeping them around sometimes-to be honest.
Max gets a kick out of knocking the mannequin heads off of the fireplace mantel. Bianca has literally figured out how to turn on the kitchen sink faucet and sets up camp in the sink to drink to her little heart’s content. (She has a dish of fresh water each day, but this apparently isn’t good enough.)
This is how our discipline began with the tender kittens: A firm “NO” and a finger wag.
This did absolutely nothing.
Second came the squirt bottle. Initially, they didn’t like it and would run for the hills. But, then they got used to being hosed and held their ground as I sprayed them directly in the face during their naughty escapade.
We have since upgraded to an air horn. It’s ear splitting and I hate to use it-mostly because it deafens me and I know the neighbors can hear it. (I’m sure they just chalk it up to “those weird Greimans”.)
I think the cats are getting used to this, too.
For example, I have been sick for the last few days. The house was suddenly too quiet. I forced myself out of bed to find Max lounging on the kitchen counter and he was watching Bianca licking water from the faucet. They saw me-air horn and all, but went right on with what they were doing. I honked the air horn and both kittens scattered off into the living room-but were right back in position maybe 5 minutes later.
So, dear readers: how do you train your cat? I need some suggestions before I go crazy.
I certainly hope you have enjoyed getting to know the disgusting and gross things found in my home with “Gross Things-Volume 1” & “Volume 2”. I have decided to allow you see things I wouldn’t normally even want Biceps to see. But, with a new vulnerable lease on life, you are getting to see me, dirt and all.
My favorite rubberband had been missing for awhile. I got this from a fancy salon and it held my hair perfectly in ponytail fashion.
Today however, it was found while I was making the bed-shoved underneath the box spring.
Let me enlarge this for you.
Yep. Gross.
This has been today’s “Gross Things-Volume 3”.
