Family, Forgiveness, Failure

You may argue with me, but I have the best family in the world-both sides of them. My family and my husband’s family are absolutely amazing. Not to say there aren’t flaws in our families, but if one were placing blame, the flaws would mostly rest on me and my inability to be a decent human being.

Look at what my families have to put up with.
It becomes more and more apparent just how flawed I am and how much I need God when I study his Word. How many times when we come together do I allow myself to be frazzled, short with my temper or just plain jerk-like?

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And then I realize that to live in peace with everyone is the evidence of my maturing in faith. I am one immature little puppy.

And then to really grind salt in the wound, God showed me this:

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

AGH! BE COMPLETELY HUMBLE?! AND GENTLE? AND PATIENT? What?!-I don’t have time for that!

Artist Lastman Pieter-“Abraham on the Road to Canaan”

Take the story of Abram (Abraham) and Lot, for example. Abram takes Lot, his nephew, under his wing and cares for him and his entire family. Eventually, the two families become rather wealthy-like Bill Gates wealthy-all due to Abram’s generosity. Knowing the land cannot sustain both families and their livestock, Abram and Lot decide to part ways before the herdsmen ripped each other to shreds.

Abram chose to make peace in his family and approached his nephew.

Abram said to Lot, “Hey nephew, what land do you want?”
He gave Lot first choice, although it was Abram’s right to choose first.

Lot responded, “That looks pretty good over there. That’s mine.” He picked up his tent, his family, his livestock and moved to the best possible location for himself.

What a selfish jerk. I would never do something like that. I always put others first and not try to position myself into the best situation.

Abram was generous and knew that, “A generous man will prosper, he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed”, Proverbs 11:25.

God told Abram not only was the land Lot was living on going to be Abram’s eventually, but everything else Abram could see. Now, who got the good deal here?

And, this is when the story gets good.

Lot, being the dumb-butt that he was, not only moved close to the most wicked city of the time-Sodom-he eventually moved into the city and became a judge. Lot must have forgotten everything his Uncle taught him. What an idiot-I remember every lesson that I’ve ever learned from wise people.

The city was invaded by competing kingdoms and Lot and his entire family were captured.

Abram gets ticked off at this point. Not at Lot-which is what I would have done. Abram tucks up his tunic, grabs his 318 trained men and goes to kick some butt.

I can hear his wife, Sarai, saying, “Um…this is the same guy, Abram, that totally screwed you over. Are you sure about this?”

He doesn’t use a tank, but since I’m a military brat-I knew there was a tank called “Abram’s tank”. Hilarious.

Anywho-He wasn’t afraid of loosing his life-all he could think about was rescuing his nephew. Abram rescues Lot and his entire family.

Lot chose the easy life, the pleasant life-and had to be rescued from his life, twice, by Abram. You’d think the man would learn a lesson and be forever grateful.

Nope.

Lot eventually lost his property and his wife and then spent his last, pointless, wasted days in a cave. (Genesis 19:30). That sounds like fun.

Lot missed out on all the awesome promises God gave to Abram-even though he should have received everything. And his godless family followed in Lot’s footsteps and have become enemies of God (Genesis 19:37-38).

Because of selfishness and being a self-seeking person, Lot missed out on all that God had for him.

Abram became the father of many nations. Lot became worm food.

Wow. So, because of Abram’s awesomeness, I have started asking myself how I’ve been approaching my own family.

1. Do I seek out the best for myself, take what’s best for me and forget easily what others have done for me?
2. Do I want to be right instead of being a promoter of peace in my household-even though I deserve to be told that I’m right?
3. Do I want temporary gain over God’s eternal best?

Dang you, Abram. I was just getting comfortable in my rights and boundaries and selfishness.

It’s Been 11 Years since 9/11

Dear Readers:
I would like to be completely honest with you. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? What I am about to say may shock you. You may never want to read my blog again, but that’s the risk I’m willing to take.

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I can be downright rotten sometimes. I can be selfish. I can say really stupid things. I mean, really stupid things. I can want what I want, when I want it. I can complain and grumble. I am in a category of ridiculous humanism all by myself. (Or maybe I have a few compadre’s out there who occasionally join me.)

This morning, God-in his infinite glory-snapped my selfish, grumbling, complaining, humanistic bubble this morning using none other than my husband. Biceps, the firefighter, was getting ready to leave for work and asked, “Today is the 11th anniversary of 9/11. What are you doing today?”

May I repeat, my husband-the firefighter, said this to me-the whiner.

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As I get ready to go to my Bible Study, make my phone calls, clean the house, and go about my day-this little question Biceps asked me will be gnawing at the back of my brain-“What am I doing today?”. Does it matter what I’m doing today?

What mattered to me, 11 years ago, was not my job (or lack thereof), not my blog, not my latest recipe. What mattered to me was only:
How many people survived?
Did my friend’s daughter make it to work that day in the Trade Center? Did she survive?
How many kids won’t have parent’s after today? And, how many parent’s won’t have kids after today?
What can I do? How can I help? WHAT CAN I DO?!

Instead of me, me, me, I was worried about everyone other than me. I was worried about people I didn’t even know, about the firefighters, the pilots, the passengers, the workers.

It’s ironic that I start my Bible Study Fellowship class today. God, once again-in his infinite glory-keeps this little whiner in check.

There. I hope I didn’t scare you off by revealing my ugly, selfish, whining side. I know, it’s disgusting. Please forgive me.

A Tattered Bible, A Healthy Soul

My BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) leader often said that “a woman whose Bible is falling apart, isn’t.”

I loved this thought, mainly because my Bible is in shambles and I can’t bear to get a new one.

I mean look at it. I am kind of embarrassed when I tote this around and see fancy new Bibles with tabs, maps and concordances.

My parents bought this for me in 1995 right before I left for college. I was going through a huge emerald green phase due to the fact that it was my birthstone, and I had only recently discovered this fact. I asked for all things green that year for my birthday.

 

It has seen two colleges, four changed majors, one graduation, a first apartment, one broken engagement, two European trips, one marriage that is still going, three cats and 17 years.

How do you get rid of something like that?

Before too long, every word in this book will be underlined, highlighted and starred. Eventually, I may have to recover it.

As this book starts to look worn out, it’s owner becomes more and more full of life. This woman, whose Bible is falling apart, isn’t. Amen to that.