Of Family: Fears and Failures

You may argue with me, but my family is the best. My parents have always been consistently faithful to each other, to us as role models and to their commitment to lead a Godly life.

However, we aren’t without our mistakes. And I’m not without my regrets as to how I’ve treated them, what I’ve said  or my crappy attitudes when they don’t do what I want them to do.

Each time we all get together, I tell myself that I’m going to be mature, I’m going to respond with grace and humility and I’ll give to them generously.

But I don’t. I act like a bratty 8 year old. I fail terribly. I get crabby. I demand my way. I get ticked off, retreat to my closet, eat chocolate and cry. And pet the cat(s). Thank God for cats. Seriously.

Then, I crawl back to the party I’ve offended and ask for forgiveness. It’s the same dooloop over and over again. I feel hopeless that I’ll ever really change. And you’d think I’d learn.

After all, I’m old enough to know better, I’m a mother in waiting, supposedly a “professional” and a wife of 12 years. But 8-year-old-Becky rears her ugly head time after time after time after time…

I’m so thankful for the Creator of the universe and for His forgiveness. Otherwise, I may end up seriously hopeless-never leaving my closet, nutritionally destitute from my steady chocolate diet and perhaps even rejected by my cats due to stinkyness.

But in Him I find hope that I can and I will change-with His help.

“If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” Psalm 130:3-5

Like me, you may have difficulties with the people you love the most. My intention with my vulnerability is to encourage you out of the stinky, chocolate-laden closet while in pursuit of His cleansing forgiveness.

Don’t give up hope. In Him there is hope!

Guess who’s visiting? My Best Friend.

I grew up surrounded by testosterone. With three brothers and a dad in the military, the color pink wasn’t a part of any decor or found behind my closet doors in my house.

I heard a lot of, “Buck it up, Becky”, and “Mom, make her quit crying.” This was usually the aftermath of, “She won’t quit talking. Mom, make her quit talking.”

It could have been worse, though. At least the testosterone-laden men weren’t the shouting at the football game on television types, the revving up of muscle cars kind, or the noodlin’ group. Not that those things are wrong…at all…seriously…

The only reprieve from the stinky testosterone was my mommy.

She was/is beautiful, graceful, and kind. She knows how to cook chicken a thousand ways, how to bandage a knee (that doesn’t really need to be bandaged) and how to sew me the eye lit pillowcases I just had to have when I was 12.

As a child, I don’t know that I valued all of the knowledge that she had. I suppose a five year old doesn’t understand just how much effort goes into cooking three meals a day from scratch.

But, as an adult, I can’t imagine my life without her to call when I’m having a bad day, a good day, or just a bleh day.

She is my best friend and she is all mine for the next week. Well, kind’ve. I’ve still got to share her with the now-less-stinky-testosterone. I’ll take what I can get.

Behind the scenes of Normalcy

You and I both know that for every finished family photo hanging on a wall, there had to be 10 more weird ones rejected. Whether you are the photographer or hired a camera-snapper to do the dirty work-you’ve seen what I’m talking about.

Little Aden is picking his nose. Grandma is coughing into a kleenex. Brother Nimrod is rolling his eyes. And of course, the rabbit ears are a must in at least one photo.

So, when you saw my somewhat normal family photos, you probably thought-“Yeah, but what do they really look like?”.

Let’s discuss this photo.

1. I didn’t make it into the frame, because I set the delay and tripped over the curb.
2. On the left, Biceps doesn’t seem to be helping the distracting situation by dancing.
3. Neither is my oldest (and should be MOST mature) brother who is engaging in some sort of air guitar.
4. Several persons are including the eyes-closed method for taking pictures.
5. One child is intrigued with the veins on the leaves. I get it. They’re cool. But let’s wait for science discoveries until after the photo shoot.
6. One child has paddle hands.
7. The other two look as if they would rather be anywhere else other than here.
8. Pretty much the only “normals” are my 94 year old grandmother and beautiful sis-in-law on the right in an ivory sweater.

But, this is an improvement.

From this.

Who are my stand-ins while I try to find the right lighting. However, things get weirder.

Remember the aforementioned “normal” sis-in-law? She ain’t looking so normal now, is she? More creepy than anything…

It’s just getting creepier.

Do you see what I have to deal with? And I’m so normal, I just don’t understand this weirdness.

Seriously.

Took a Week Off from ME for a Happier Thanksgiving

My personality, left to its own demise, is a get-it-done-right-now personality or lead others to do it with a strong arm. I am a high “D” in most aspects of my life-and if any of you don’t know what that is, here is a quick excerpt from Indy Smallbiz.

General Characteristics – High D’s are direct, decisive and very self confident. 

Communicating with a High D – They don’t like a bunch of detail, so you must be brief, direct and to the point.

Positive Characteristics of High D – They are good leaders and are great in crises. They consistently set and achieve goals. They are task orientated and can provide direction and push a group toward decisions. They are also willing to speak out and give their opinion, and they always see the big picture.

Weaknesses – They come off as blunt, direct and brash. 

Blunt. I’ve been called that a time or two. Ouch.

Each time my parents have visited in the past, I’ve had to go through a decompression time with Biceps. I talk through all the ways I failed to show unconditional love to my family, failed as a self-professed Christian and have inadvertently hurt someone with my words.

I try to justify my harsh responses when someone pushed me too far.

However, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45

Meaning, when I spew out awful things, it’s because my heart has been focused on awful things.

Yikes. That stings a mite.

Why is it so easy for me to focus on the negatives, when I have SO many positives in my life. Here is my list of positives that will become a cheat sheet for me next year:

1. Amazing, Godly parents and in-laws who are still in love.
2. A wonderful older brother who married a beautiful woman whom he loves and is faithful to.
3. A giving second older brother who would kick anyone’s butt that ever messed with me.
4. A younger brother who chose an awesome woman to marry, who works hard and understands my weirdness.
5. A hot husband who puts God first, me second, our families third, the cats fourth and everything else after that.
6. My health and the ability to wake up every morning and move around on my own two feet.
7. A God who has forgiven me, my stupid mess of a life and who loves me more than I can imagine.
8. The list goes on and on. You get the idea.

What is your cheat sheet for next year?