The Eleven Year Non-Itch

Biceps and I will celebrate 11 years today as a married couple. This amount of time is just a hair longer than we’ve actually known each other.

Let me tell you, this boy moves fast when he finally comes to a decision. (If you want to know more about our backstory, read “How I met Biceps“. It’s good bathroom reading.)

Eleven years ago today, we said our “I do’s”. And here are eleven things that I’ve learned about my marriage since that wonderful moment we became one:

1. Mumbling under your breath gets you absolutely nowhere except into more anger.

2. Men, no matter who they are, want to hear that they are
A) Hot-not handsome, cute or sexy (although these are good things to say, too) but HOT,
B) A good provider and
C) Able to beat up Daniel Craig.

3. If you want anything to change in your marriage, prayer is the first thing you do, complaining about it is the last.

4. Don’t present a problem in your relationship without a viable solution.

5. Never call your husband’s hands “small” or “cute”. Trust me on this one.

6. If you want your husband to be your best friend, do the things he enjoys doing (within reason and within the boundaries of the law)-including watching that horrible army movie when you would rather watch Alvin and the Chipmunks.

7. A good meal, a clean, peaceful home and a presentable self may seem archaic, but they are magic to a marriage’s soul.

8. If you are your husband’s biggest fan, he will be yours.

9. Never insult your husband in public-only offer praise of the man you chose to marry.

10. If he doesn’t like the shirt, the pants, the shoes, etc.-what’s the point in wearing them? Who am I dressing for anyways?

11. If he screws up, be his confidant, not his condemner.

I love you so much, Biceps. Thank you for waiting for me, for choosing me, for honoring me and for loving me every single day of our married life. I know you aren’t perfect, but you are perfect for me.

Prague-A Simple Question

Dear Readers:

I’m not ashamed of my European roots. Both Biceps and I are Germanic. We are huge European supporters. We attend Oktoberfest with glee, wear Lederhosen if need be and drink dark ales just to show how devoted we are to the European cause.

So, without judgement, hate or sarcasm-I have one question.

Why?

Defeated, Pampered and Waving the White Flag

I hate being sick-show me someone who likes it and I’ll show you a first grader trying to get out of a spelling bee. And I hate taking medicine. Taking medication is almost like admitting defeat to me-plus, it usually leaves me very wigged out-tired, dizzy and nauseous.

So, I do everything that I can naturally before I start to pop those pills–hot baths, eating foods like blueberries and oranges, steam inhalation, chiropractic adjustments and prayer (usually with a lot of begging involved).

But, when the coughing, hacking, mucus, and muscle aches get to be too much for me to just “tough it out”, I wave the white flag and call my doctor. His first question is usually, “WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME SOONER?!”, and I make up some lame excuse that we both know he’s not buying.

Due to some unknown infectious carrier that contaminated my otherwise holy immune system, these four items have been my BFF’s for the last week. (Well, these, my bed, hulu and my favorite yellow Ponca City t-shirt.)

The one upside to being sick is the amazing amount of clout that I have to eat my favorite snacky foods. Biceps runs to the store at the drop of a hat, so carefully I make my requests known all at once.

This is one of my favorites when my throat is scratchy and stomach is upset. My mother instilled in me that this was a miracle food (it’s not) and that it’s good for me (it’s not). But, it does make me feel better…

Oh, dear. These salty, cheesy, little whales are heaven. Add a glass of red wine and you have a classy evening ahead of you.

When my stomach is really upset, this is all that I can stand to eat…simple and good.

This is a new treat for me. I could only eat half of the can-meaning Biceps reaped all the leftover rewards. He is one lucky man.

And finally-my “vegetables”. So dang good.

I am on the upswing of whatever it was that I had, and I lovingly shared this infectious nastiness with Biceps. He is in the final days of recovery himself. The weird thing is, he never needs any “treats”. He wants to eat oatmeal, oranges and drink healthy smoothies. Doesn’t he realize this is his one chance to get out of the guilt associated with aforementioned treats? Geesh. Men….

Happy Valentine’s Day-an Homage

Today is Valentine’s Day-obviously. And, I wanted to give an homage, not just to my husband-but to all of the men that have stayed committed husbands to their wives and fathers to their children.

To all the men that are stand-ins for photo shoots, on a hot day-thank you.

Thank you to all the men that rise early to provide for their families-and do so happily.

For the men that stay longer than they want at a beach, a mall, or a girl movie because their wife isn’t quite ready to go-thank you.

Thank you men that have chosen a lifestyle of protecting and serving others.

Thank you men, that retrieve snacks and treats for your wives because she is already seated and “snuggled in”.

To the men that honor their mothers-thank you. We know you will in turn honor your wives.

Men-you have an important role in this society. Thank you to the men that stay strong, stay focused and stay committed. Your legacy is better than money, status or fame. Instead, you will boast of a solid family, a happy marriage and a good reputation.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!