The ROI on kids.

These guys are celebrating today. And so am I.

They’ve been married 36 years. And they’ve been HAPPILY married  for 36 years.

Here are a few things I’ve learned from them:

1. Never fight in front of the kids (or the cats in my scenario-but I’m convinced my cats speak Spanish, so Bicep’s and my “discussions” seem to be lost in translation).

2. Always kiss, hold hands, tell each other you love them until it grosses out everyone else around you-and then some.

3. Put God first, spouse second, kids third and everything else after that. Unless you have cats. Then, it’s a tie for third.

4. If your kids see you reading the Bible every morning, chances are-they’re going to read the Bible every morning. And, if you actually live out what you’re reading, chances are-they’ll do the same.

5. Saying “shut up” is never acceptable.

6. Fining people for filthy behavior (see #5) works only on tightwods (like me).

7. Telling your kids fun stories, roasting marshmallows, camping, catching lightening bugs and taking long walks makes memories. Television does not. (Obviously, unless it’s MacGyver, you are eating popcorn and drinking five-alive).

8. Make sure your pockets/purse contain kleenex, rubberbands, cough drops, paper clips, an eraser, pencils and notecards. These all come in handy when a sermon/lecture/car ride gets too boring.

9. Take an hour out of each week to invest in a one-on-one date with each kid. The ROI is phenomenal.

10. If your kids see you exercising, they’ll want to exercise. And they’ll also want to wear offensively tiny, gray Army-issued shorts, too. Sorry, Dad. It’s just basic math.

Happy Anniversary to the BEST parents this girl could ever hope for. I love you more than coffee, cats, and french fries. 

12 Years of Marriage, 12 Things I’ve learned

Dearest Readers:
Biceps and I have been married for 12 beautiful years-as of yesterday. The number “12” isn’t a fancy one-it’s not rounded out like 10 or 15. It’s that awkward number along the way to lucky 13 and just past the boring “boy-you’ve-still-got-a-lot-to-learn” single digits.

In and of itself, the number 12 is just there, being 12.

However, I’ve learned a lot about how to do this marriage thing in 12 years: how to tour with stinky guys, how to remodel and build more than I ever dreamed possible for me-and, of course, why cats are awesome.

I thought I’d share my vast knowledge of life with all of you. The first one is kind of a no brainer.

1. Even in Europe, while in the majestic Swiss Alps, cats are cute and are a necessity for me.

2. When your husband insists on you touring with his band, have a little class and don’t try to take over everything. All the time. Every spare minute. The other band members really don’t appreciate you mothering them.

3. Remodeling will either: (A) tear your marriage apart because you’re both insistent on doing it “your way” or (B) it will bring you and your black boogers, sawdust filled lungs, scraped knuckles, aching backs-closer together. Shoot for the latter.

4. No matter if you spend your time together in far off romantic places, farting will always kill the mood.

5. And even if you spend your special time together camping in your old home town as you roast hot dogs over a “romantic fire” and you must shower in a spider-infested, concrete block structure that smells like an ape house, farting will kill the mood.

So will poison ivy. But that’s another lesson for another day.

6. Telling your husband every day how handsome he is never gets old.

7. Sometimes, life will take you to fancy places. Never let it change why you fell in love with your spouse and who you are as a couple. I will always remember the times we took the night off from remodeling and drove our vintage Honda motorcyle to “splurge” on a Quik Trip soda. That was an awesome date night. I loved every minute of wrapping my arms around my husband on the back of that motorcycle, sitting on the curb as we watched the cars racing in and out of the gas station and laughing and chatting until the sun went down.

8. Sometimes life will present the bizarre. It’s good to have someone to share that with.

9. Yelling never solves anything. Besides-look at this face. How could you yell at that? The quickest and the healthiest way to a resolution is to pray together. It may sound trite, but trust me. You can’t demand to “win” if you are focusing on the one who gave His life for you. What you want seems pretty silly after remembering that.

10. Farting will always kill the mood.

11. Everyone looks sexier on stage-don’t compare your spouse to them and wish they were that sexy. Unless of course it is your spouse and your wish has already been granted. Hello! Then, I guess, comparing is kind of a moot point.

12. Holding out for that one man God has picked for you and staying faithful to aforementioned man, is the most exciting, most satisfying thing you can do in the entire world.

Happy Anniversary, Biceps. I love you more than cats and coffee.

Spooky Ghost Hotel for your Anniversary?…

…no thank you. At least, not again.

Ten years ago, Biceps and I stayed here-at the Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We had no idea that the hotel had a major calling card and it was a spooky one.
They claimed their hotel was “haunted”.
By ghosts.
Romantic, huh?
 

Courtesy Crescent Hotel
We were in the dark about all of this ghost nonsense. To us, it appeared whimsical in its brochures-may I remind you this was before the whole “internet thing” really took off.
I liked the historical aspect of the hotel and Biceps liked it because it was close to home which would help save on the gas expense.

Courtesy Crescent Hotel
Typically, I would never even speak of this hotel, mainly because I am a major wuss. But I was reminded of our “romantic get-away” recently when someone mentioned they had enjoyed the hotel spa. The hair on the back of my head, my arms, and both of my eyebrows stood up. This was not an attractive moment for me.

 

Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/keithaustell/
Sure, I can handle a chop saw, talk drywall installation, drive a 45′ entertainer coach for stinky bands, and install hardwood floors. But stay in a supposedly haunted hotel? No way. It’s not that I believe in ghosts in the way that they are portrayed in movies. I do believe there are icky spirits, waiting to scare the crap out of me if I allow it. And I do get the heebie-jeebies when spooky things are supposedly present.

 

Source: www.spaindex.com
I attribute my heebie’s and my jeebie’s to my sensitive spirit, my delicate nature, my innate wussiness.

 

Courtesy Crescent Hotel
If I remembered correctly-this was our room. Of course, Biceps went right to sleep, snoring occasionally.
I, on the other hand, did not sleep a wink. My heart literally could be heard outside of my body. My palms were very sweaty. I lay there saying over and over, “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, of power and of sound mind.”
I’d like to say that I am more mature than all of this, but it’s an area that I’m still working on. Shoot, the movie “Chucky, Child’s Play” still freaks me out to this day. I am so far from perfect…
So, for now, I will avoid these spooky situations and drink a glass of warm milk if need be.