The 2013 Christmas Card Reveal

While the majority of humans ramp up for their annual family Christmas photo with matching wardrobes (including coordinating hats and gloves), perfectly manicured outdoor scenes complete with snow, and fussy–but bribed children…Biceps and I decidedly go a little different route. (Go here to see the last 12 years of our Christmas Card Photo weirdness. You know you want to.) 

Typically, our Christmas card photo preparation begins at a thrift store buying things I’m embarrassed to purchase. I then move on to my bag of props and costumes found on the floor of my guest bedroom closet. Lots of laughing is involved. And lastly, I’m usually at Lowe’s or Home Depot loading up stacks of lumber, paint cans or pieces of sheetrock–for those final touches.

I’ve never looked pretty in these photos. I’ve never thought, “Wow, Crossfit really pays off” as I edit, print and crop the final Christmas photo choice.

Instead, Biceps and I could be overheard saying such things as, “Yeah, you look really terrible in this one. That’s the one!”, or “Oh, your face looks super creepy in that one. Perfect!”. We enjoy the hideousness that we can conjure up in one single photo.

So, without further delay….here is our 2013 Christmas Card Photo Reveal!

A few fun facts about this photo:
1. Yes, that is an Atari system. But it’s a brand new “wireless” one that we taped mic cords onto to make it look vintage.
2. I am wearing a “retainer” made from a paperclip.
3. The Jesus paint-by-numbers was done by Grandma Greiman and hangs in our guest bedroom.
4. The books behind my head are the complete set of “Anne of Green Gables”.
5. I do own the rainbow belt and wear it often.
6. The squirrel and slinky deer are ours and they do decorate our house presently.
7. The paneling is not. It was a Lowe’s purchase, propped against our breakfast nook wall.
8. My baby bump is showing and there was nothing I could do about it.

I hope you’ve enjoyed yet another year of weirdness. And, if you feel like you’ve been missing out on the other Christmas weirdness-which you most certainly have-check out the rest of our Christmas Card Photos. Enjoy.
 

Christmas is over-what’s next on the list?

Every year, around August, I start thinking about and planning for Christmas. Biceps and I begin discussing that year’s Christmas photo  and I begin gathering costuming and necessary accoutrements.

And, I have a theory about Christmas:

Lists rule, disorganization drools.

List for 2012 Christmas Card Photo:

1. Angel Wings
2. Large Tighty-Whities
3. My “dress”-a white sheet
4. Halo
5. Red Jeans
6. Cape
7. Devil Horns
8. Triton

Totally normal Christmas Photo shoot list for most families, I assume.

And sometime after Thanksgiving, I start scheming for Bicep’s birthday-(also known as my “pre-Christmas”), because he’s a Christmas Eve baby.

List for Bicep’s Birthday:

1. Egg pancakes for Birthday breakfast (Greiman tradition)
2. Some sort of weaponry present
3. Some sort of clothing item present that he will probably return
4. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with chocolate ice cream (plus more chocolate options, just in case)
5. Back-up Chocolate

Now, if you know anything about Biceps and I-you know that we are frugal. Christmas is budgeted throughout the year, with a little set aside each month. That way, when present making (or for this year-present buying) comes around, we don’t go into a sticker-shock-induced-coma.

Usual List for homemade presents:

1. 95 Ripe Bananas (boy, do the cashier’s give us a weird look)
2. 8 Bags Pretzel Rods
3. 4 Packages Almond Bark
4. 5 Bags Flour
5. 5 Bags Sugar
6. 3 Jars Molasses
7. 2 Bags Peppermint Candy
8. Etc….

And then there’s the Thank You Note List for Gifts Received (past, present and future):

1. Golden Toilet Lighter from Daniel
2. Self-Adhesive Mustache Pack from Christy
3. Portrait of a Sheriff from Beau
4. Inappropriately Shaped Pine Cone Ornament from Carisa
5. Pooping Penguin from Justin
6. 1966 Ford Mustang from Biceps

But now, the carefully planned out lists have been fulfilled and thrown away. The presents have been unwrapped, the meals have been eaten and the house is silent.

And, it’s time to put all the Christmas cheer back in its appropriate box, wrap it up in tissue paper and store it-once more-up in the attic, until next Christmas.

And I am left with a “Christmas-less” house-until next August when the planning begins again. I don’t have a list anymore. It’s a little disconcerting.

What’s next on your list?

Christmas Card Photo Reveal 2012

I know the internet world has been holding its breath for the 2012 Greiman Christmas Card Photo revelation. If you are unfamiliar with our tradition, Biceps and I create a photographic masterpiece that we share with our friends, families, accountants, pastors and the like.

No one is safe from this awesomeness.

And, if you haven’t seen the last 11 years of our Christmas Card Photo glory, you should probably catch up. It will make your Monday morning.

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS THE 2012 GREIMAN CHRISTMAS CARD PHOTO IN ALL OF ITS SPLENDOR:

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like giving the devil a good, old-fashioned wedgie.

Merry Christmas!

The 2011 Christmas Photo Reveal!

By now, those of you on the gigantic “Greiman Christmas Card List” have received your 2011 Christmas Photo.
If not, you have lazy postal workers.
Or perhaps-I have the wrong address.
At any rate, you shouldn’t have to wait any longer to feast upon such photographic magnificence.
And without further ado: Here is our 2011 Christmas Photo.
(If you would like to see past year’s photos, check out Christmas Cards.)

Let me fill you in on some of the details.

My Pippi Longstocking hair has floral wire interlaced throughout my braid.
Bicep’s Lederhosen are courtesy of a $30 thrift store purchase in Minneapolis.
I own the Germanic dress, courtesy of a $1 purchase at my favorite local thrift store in Tulsa.
The “backdrop” is a rug purchased from the flea market, and currently resides in our breakfast nook.
The beer was real and heartily consumed.
The mustache is not.
The inspiration was from God.
Amen.

(Again, if you would like to see past year’s photos, check out Christmas Cards.)