Why I read the Bible

Dear Readers:
Some say it’s a crutch for the unintelligent. Some say it’s an outdated book full of stories and fables. Some say you can’t trust it because humans wrote it.

I say it’s that only thing keeping my gross, ugly side at bay.

It’s the only thing that pulled me out of a terrible, depressive state when my fiance dumped me (rightly so). The whole world, I felt, was against me. I was asked not to come back to my college classrooms by my professors. I lost every single one of my “friends”, save two. I moved off campus to avoid the constant looks and whisperings. I shrank down to 98 pounds. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep.

But, then I read, “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.”
Psalm 18:16

I knew God could restore me, but would He? Did I deserve His love? After all, I was one messed up human, full of sin and nastiness.

But then, I read this, “If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored: If you remove wickedness far from your tent.” Job 22:23

I had to change-in a real way. I hated what I had become-a self-righteous, indignant person that could easily judge others, but with little moral compass for myself. I was so embarrassed when my charade was up.
I wanted to be back in God’s graces, but I didn’t think I deserved His love and his salvation. It seemed everyone else had it together but me.

Thank goodness for God’s Word. “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

All have sinned? That means Mother Teresa, Billy Graham…and me?

I realized that I was and still am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. I confessed my sin to Him and He forgave me. He washed me clean. He gave me a fresh start. Daily, I have to still do this because I am still so imperfect that I screw up constantly.

Even though God had forgiven me, I still had to deal with the consequences from the mess I had made. I had to endure the awful phone calls from my ex-fiance and his family. After all, I felt like I deserved some more punishment. It couldn’t be that easy-could it? You can’t just ask for forgiveness and actually expect to be forgiven-can you?

Then, I read what the Bible had to say.
“Open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.” Acts 26:18

I couldn’t believe that one day I might be standing in the throne of heaven, surrounded by great men of faith like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Paul, Luke, John the Baptist…but I will. And reading the Word reveals to me that these “great men of faith” screwed up constantly. Abraham and Isaac lied several times about who their wives were, Paul was a murderer, Jacob had to wrestle with God. I seemed to fit right in.

If you don’t know God, or if you feel under condemnation for your past-start off by reading Romans. And then, email me. I’d love to talk with you about who you are in Christ. He takes the old and makes it new!

12 Years of Marriage, 12 Things I’ve learned

Dearest Readers:
Biceps and I have been married for 12 beautiful years-as of yesterday. The number “12” isn’t a fancy one-it’s not rounded out like 10 or 15. It’s that awkward number along the way to lucky 13 and just past the boring “boy-you’ve-still-got-a-lot-to-learn” single digits.

In and of itself, the number 12 is just there, being 12.

However, I’ve learned a lot about how to do this marriage thing in 12 years: how to tour with stinky guys, how to remodel and build more than I ever dreamed possible for me-and, of course, why cats are awesome.

I thought I’d share my vast knowledge of life with all of you. The first one is kind of a no brainer.

1. Even in Europe, while in the majestic Swiss Alps, cats are cute and are a necessity for me.

2. When your husband insists on you touring with his band, have a little class and don’t try to take over everything. All the time. Every spare minute. The other band members really don’t appreciate you mothering them.

3. Remodeling will either: (A) tear your marriage apart because you’re both insistent on doing it “your way” or (B) it will bring you and your black boogers, sawdust filled lungs, scraped knuckles, aching backs-closer together. Shoot for the latter.

4. No matter if you spend your time together in far off romantic places, farting will always kill the mood.

5. And even if you spend your special time together camping in your old home town as you roast hot dogs over a “romantic fire” and you must shower in a spider-infested, concrete block structure that smells like an ape house, farting will kill the mood.

So will poison ivy. But that’s another lesson for another day.

6. Telling your husband every day how handsome he is never gets old.

7. Sometimes, life will take you to fancy places. Never let it change why you fell in love with your spouse and who you are as a couple. I will always remember the times we took the night off from remodeling and drove our vintage Honda motorcyle to “splurge” on a Quik Trip soda. That was an awesome date night. I loved every minute of wrapping my arms around my husband on the back of that motorcycle, sitting on the curb as we watched the cars racing in and out of the gas station and laughing and chatting until the sun went down.

8. Sometimes life will present the bizarre. It’s good to have someone to share that with.

9. Yelling never solves anything. Besides-look at this face. How could you yell at that? The quickest and the healthiest way to a resolution is to pray together. It may sound trite, but trust me. You can’t demand to “win” if you are focusing on the one who gave His life for you. What you want seems pretty silly after remembering that.

10. Farting will always kill the mood.

11. Everyone looks sexier on stage-don’t compare your spouse to them and wish they were that sexy. Unless of course it is your spouse and your wish has already been granted. Hello! Then, I guess, comparing is kind of a moot point.

12. Holding out for that one man God has picked for you and staying faithful to aforementioned man, is the most exciting, most satisfying thing you can do in the entire world.

Happy Anniversary, Biceps. I love you more than cats and coffee.

Planning and Planting a Spring Garden

It’s that time of year again. Can you feel it?

The soil is calling, the bunnies are ready to nibble on seedlings, and the compost is ripe. Ah…springtime. Time to plant the garden and reap the harvest.

I start off by drooling over seed magazines-literally. Then, I move on to my mental “wants” vs “needs”. I’m partial to Baker’s Creek Heirloom Seeds, (thanks to the introduction by a lovely reader, Janice). The variety of heirloom plants and seeds that can be found in this magazine is utterly amazing.

Do you want purple cauliflower? Striped tiger carrots? Marbled tomatoes? Done.

Gurney’s Seeds also has a great variety of seeds and plants offered-they’re just a bit more mainline and most are not heirloom seeds.

Next, I make an in-depth spreadsheet (because I’m a nerd) with what I absolutely need for the garden, price it all out and keep it all under $100 utilizing coupons and online discounts.

Spending less than $100 for an entire summer of produce-plus canning, dehydrating and freezing options-just makes sense.

Take that Whole Foods.

I save money on water by using Rain Barrels, making my own garden critter deterrents and utilizing my kitchen scraps to create compost.

I also save money by growing as many seedlings as my naughty cats will allow. Let’s just say we’ve had two instances already this morning. Wet paws, dirt and fur were flying.

Next comes the soil test (which can be bought at Lowes & reused multiple times for about $5). I’ll usually need to add cow poop, ground up shells or bones-along with my winter compost. I also save money each spring by renting a tiller for about $15, instead of a hefty purchase price and then storing the dang thing.

Once the ground is warm enough (the “zone board” is fighting about whether we are a zone 6 or a 7, so I just go with my gut), I’ll either transfer the seedlings or plant directly into the soil.

Using soaker hoses conserves water and slowly offers the plant a dribbly drink rather than a monstrous monsoon. Dribbly drinks creates deeper and more established roots for the plant. I also like to cover my soaker hoses with weed-free, grass clippings, which helps to conserve water and keeps the soil moist.

Moist. Moist. What a weird word.

And wouldn’t you know…these little stinking seeds do what they’re supposed to do! It’s like there’s a God or something.

Before long I have more tomatoes than I know what to do with, zucchini coming out of my ears and a steady diet of fresh, pesticide-free produce and herbs.

Typically, with the first harvest, I do a little green clog jig in the garden while the neighbors watch on with bewilderment.

Ah…springtime. I love this time of year.

The Aftermath, The Mustaches & The Firefighter

Ah…the dust has settled. Everyone has gone home and the house is empty (save for two little naughty cats). But all the signs of a good party are visible.

Blueberries are smashed into my rug, mustaches are attached to every surface in our house, and our backyard still looks like a daycare center.

And, I arm wrestled a man and won.

True to Bicep’s style, he didn’t want to make his graduation into a “big deal”.

But, if you’re going to at least make it “a deal“, why not a “big deal”?

After all, Biceps has worked his bunz off for the last five months to not only graduate, but graduate number 1 in his class-both in academics and physical fitness. And-he was the “old guy” in the group. What a stud.

(Sorry, but a lady’s got to brag on her man every once in awhile.)

With the help of friends and family, we made it a “big deal”. There was a lot of food…

…and a lot of mustaches involved.

I mean a lot of mustaches.

Mustaches have been found on my mirrors, milk cartons and inside kitchen cabinets.

Our friends have a bizarre sense of humor.

And what’s a party without a few games to entertain the young (and the young at heart)? For several days, I sawed, sanded, sewed and painted three outdoor games-with firefighting themes, of course.

I think I might have had more fun creating the games than anyone had playing them. I giggled as I sewed up the dummy for the “Dummy Drag” and laughed outright as I hung a plywood cat up in a tree for the “Ladder Climb”.

I’m sure my neighbors think I’m bizarre, too.

Bicep’s parents hand-made dozens of mustaches to hang from the ceiling, along with this city scene-complete with tiny mustaches climbing a ladder.

I’m pretty sure making it a “big deal” was the way to go.

Congratulations, Biceps. I’m so proud of you.