Christmas Card Photo Reveal 2012

I know the internet world has been holding its breath for the 2012 Greiman Christmas Card Photo revelation. If you are unfamiliar with our tradition, Biceps and I create a photographic masterpiece that we share with our friends, families, accountants, pastors and the like.

No one is safe from this awesomeness.

And, if you haven’t seen the last 11 years of our Christmas Card Photo glory, you should probably catch up. It will make your Monday morning.

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS THE 2012 GREIMAN CHRISTMAS CARD PHOTO IN ALL OF ITS SPLENDOR:

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like giving the devil a good, old-fashioned wedgie.

Merry Christmas!

Behind the scenes of Normalcy

You and I both know that for every finished family photo hanging on a wall, there had to be 10 more weird ones rejected. Whether you are the photographer or hired a camera-snapper to do the dirty work-you’ve seen what I’m talking about.

Little Aden is picking his nose. Grandma is coughing into a kleenex. Brother Nimrod is rolling his eyes. And of course, the rabbit ears are a must in at least one photo.

So, when you saw my somewhat normal family photos, you probably thought-“Yeah, but what do they really look like?”.

Let’s discuss this photo.

1. I didn’t make it into the frame, because I set the delay and tripped over the curb.
2. On the left, Biceps doesn’t seem to be helping the distracting situation by dancing.
3. Neither is my oldest (and should be MOST mature) brother who is engaging in some sort of air guitar.
4. Several persons are including the eyes-closed method for taking pictures.
5. One child is intrigued with the veins on the leaves. I get it. They’re cool. But let’s wait for science discoveries until after the photo shoot.
6. One child has paddle hands.
7. The other two look as if they would rather be anywhere else other than here.
8. Pretty much the only “normals” are my 94 year old grandmother and beautiful sis-in-law on the right in an ivory sweater.

But, this is an improvement.

From this.

Who are my stand-ins while I try to find the right lighting. However, things get weirder.

Remember the aforementioned “normal” sis-in-law? She ain’t looking so normal now, is she? More creepy than anything…

It’s just getting creepier.

Do you see what I have to deal with? And I’m so normal, I just don’t understand this weirdness.

Seriously.

Modeling is for those who don’t want to sit.

Last night, I did something that I’ve never done before. I modeled-on a runway, with crazy hair, makeup, nails and a recycled dress for the Ihloff Fall Collection Show. I have no idea why I was asked, other than I was available and could walk in a straight line.

This production was larger in scope than I was expecting-with close to 100 models, hair stylists and their assistants. Mayhem, attitudes and hair extensions reigned supreme.

It was a strange experience for me. I undressed willingly in front of people I had never met. I had stylists up in my business 24/7 with hands in places that would make you blush.

It started off innocently enough at 10am. Chrissie (my good friend and BSF partner) began the hair process. Nerves had not kicked in and smiles were easy to come by.

But by 2pm, I had my nails done and was now starving. My Christian witness was on the brink of collapsing.

I know most models have a “no food policy”, but this girl does not. Now I know why models always look so angry and skinny. They’re deprived of food.

By 5pm, I had soda cans in my hair and my makeup was completed. I had consumed a PB & J by this point, so things were looking up for me.

Notice the smile has returned? This gal on the right, Chrissie, is not only beautiful, sweet but extremely talented.

100 Dove Wrappers and 40 Topeca Coffee bags later, I was contact-papered into my dress. (Please ignore the toilet in the background-it kind’ve ruins the vibe).

I loved the concept and the design of the dress that I wore it home to show a certain Biceps that couldn’t make it.

With the dress applied, I could only walk at a pace half my own, could not sit down and could not go to the bathroom-mainly because I couldn’t bend over to reach my skivvies.

The dress was “applied” at 6pm and the show ended at 9. For a lady that needs a bathroom break every 15 minutes, holding “it” was the hardest part of my job.

By 8pm, I was on stage-part of the finale of the show. Chrissie finished my hair live on stage, and then ripped off my smock to reveal the recycled dress underneath-much to the crowd’s delight.

Then…I had to walk the runway-without tripping, falling, and without any part of my dress malfunctioning.

Successfully, I made it down and back the runway with my heart pounding in my chest, trying not to make eye contact with the audience and trying not to smile because models are serious. (Insert pouty face-reminder of the “no food policy” aforementioned).

I smiled anyways-the crowd was clapping and who wouldn’t smile when clapped for? Plus, I didn’t trip once. That’s worth smiling about. It was an interesting, fun, exhausting, and sticky experience-but I’m not sure I’m cut out for this business.

After all, modeling is definitely for those who don’t want to sit down.

Bianca-Up Close and Personal

Maxwell is the one typically getting the camera’s attention. He’s a bizarre cat that does bizarre things which inspires me to document this bizarre behavior. All the while, pretty, delicate Bianca is sitting quietly in the background, preening herself and praying to the cat-gods that Max won’t attack her.

I decided to do a little impromptu photo shoot using a lens that I normally don’t use (ProMaster Spectrum Teleconverter Lens w/ Magnification of 2x, along with a Nikkor 50MM 1:1.8D).

And Bianca happened to be in the line of fire.

I set the camera to 400 ISO and used natural daylight to play with the lens’ depth of field. I loved how detailed the image could be, along with an intense depth of field.

Her paws are so dang cute.

Bianca’s pink little nose is one of my favorite things about her.

That and the fact that she isn’t stinky, like a certain other kitty.

Stepping back a few feet, I was able to capture her powerful green eyes. Sometimes, when she looks at me, I swear she is reading my mind…

Bianca has some of the longest whiskers I have ever seen on a kitty. When she sheds one of these, I’m tempted to make an ink pen out of it.

Soon, she bored of me and went back to sleep in her favorite position-on her back, with her front and back paws curled into rabbit position and her body wedged in the corner of the couch.

I guess she’s pretty bizarre, too.