Slap the stupid out of me.

Dear Readers:
I’m mad. I mean, REALLY MAD. In fact-I’m going to use a phrase I never use. I’m spit-fire MAD. And here’s why:

We, as crazy, wordy humans, say a lot of things. Extreme things: never, always, I’ll just die.

Ambiguous things: I dunno, maybe, kinda, yep.

Things to each other that we don’t honor: I will love you forever, I could never be mad at you.

And we text and email and IM all these words back and forth to each other. And before you know it, we mix the most sacred of words with the most mundane of all conversations.

I love you.
I love those shoes.

Forever, I’m yours.
I haven’t seen you, in like, forever.

I will marry you.
This sandwich married together perfectly the spicy mustard with the pastrami. 

Which leads us into devaluing what we say and what we’ve commit to.

Be mine, for all time.
He used to be mine. 

Till death do us part.
I was going to kill him if we had to stay together.

He makes me so happy.
We weren’t happy anymore.  

I’m an observer. I enjoy watching as marriages, relationships and friendships begin.
The first time a conversation is sparked leaves each party feeling elated and renewed. Weeks later, there is still so much to learn about that person and neither one could imagine life without the other. Your old friends think that you’re ignoring them, and to be perfectly honest-you don’t care.
Months roll on by and that person is maybe less of a priority, but still high on the list. You quit planning your entire day around them and start to schedule them in.
Years roll by and you find yourself either without the relationship intact any longer, or it’s down on the totem pole of priority. After all, you’ve got to live your life.

Which leads me to asking, “What happened?” Why is the “spark” out? Why does that once intriguing friend now bore you? Why is the person you just couldn’t get enough of, now-get on your every last nerve?

We are a finicky race, us humans. We allow our minds, our thoughts, our eyes to wander when something prettier, newer, skinnier, less complicated comes along.
A decent car now looks like a jalopy when parked next to that brand new, never driven Mercedes.
A nice laptop suddenly pales in comparison to that fancy new one at the Apple Store.
When you visit your boss’ house, your house suddenly seems small, out of date and embarrassing.

And your husband becomes commonplace and unappealing as you read “50 Shades of Gray” (for the record, I have never read this book-but I’ve heard enough talk about it to know what is up, ladies).

The socks left by him at the foot of the bed-for days-start to get under your skin. I mean, can’t he put those in the basket?!
The little tiny hairs from him shaving and not properly rinsing out the sink grate on your nerves. I just cleaned that!
He chooses just the most inopportune time to become amorous. I just ate pasta. Really?!

And then, along comes this guy. And he’s perfect. And interesting. And funny.
And he smells great and opens the door for you and he knows just what questions to ask and when to ask them and he moves the hair off your face and tucks it behind your ear just right and he thinks you’re awesome and, and, and…
And his socks would never bother you and he never farts and you know he’s a clean freak, just like you, and, and, and…

So you entertain the thought of him. And you open up your facebook and you “friend” him. And you start to message him. And you keep it from your husband.

And suddenly, your “forever” is more like, “when it’s convenient and it still makes me happy.” Before long, your “forever” is over. And that is what is making me spit-fire MAD.

And you look back on it and wonder when it started to go all wrong. It went wrong way before dating and marriage and facebook. It went wrong the first time you compared what you had to what someone else had-and you were ungrateful.

I’ve done it. My scratched up, 280,00 mile van is embarrassing surrounded by brand new Lexus’, Mercedes and BMW’s in the parking lot of where I occasionally work. My clothes have holes in them. I dress vintage because it’s cute, but mainly due to lack of advertising funds. You better believe I’m comparing my TJ Maxx purse to that women’s $1,500 Prada bag. I’m finicky. I compare and judge and evaluate.

And, I’m ungrateful.

And that is what makes me MAD. So, when you see me do it-slap me. Slap the stupid right out of me. Remind me that I’m being ungrateful and its a slippery slope from cars to clothes to shoes to husbands.

I believe love is forever and it is most certainly worth fighting for. I believe the “till death do us part”. I believe in what I said at the altar, what God has said about marriage and I want to be grateful-every day-for that. So, dear readers: you have my permission to slap me and get all spit-fire MAD at me if I start to slip.

Hold me to it.

Good Morning View

Dear Readers-
Good morning! I hope you slept well last night. What do you wake up to? Breakfast in bed, the pitter patter of little feet, a cup of coffee handed to you by your mate?

This is what I wake up to.

Max. Weird, fuzzy, dirty, stinky, Max.

More often than nought, Max refuses to get up when the humans are ready to get up. He has a lot of business during the night, and enjoys wreaking havoc from about midnight to 3am.

Understandably, he’s passed out at 5am when the alarm goes off. His pink little eyes just squint back at me and he says, “Really?!” (with his eyebrows), then tucks his head back under his paw and sighs.

I feel a hint of disgust coming from his furry body. It’s kind of a crappy way to wake up if you ask me.

10 Fun and Frugal Date Ideas

Biceps and I love to date each other-and have been for the last twelve and a half years. However, the typical dinner and a movie can get pricey-and monotonous. So, we like to look for inexpensive and spicey ways to still enjoy each other’s company, while staying on a focused budget.

Maybe you and your mate are in the same boat-or would like to be. Here are 10 Fun Frugal Date Ideas for you to build on!

1. Design another world for someone you love!
Pull out old boxes, packing tape and a pair of scissors. Together, design what your new world will be for your wee one (pet or child). Get creative and add hanging strings for kitties to swipe at, a ball for a dog to chase around or use markers to decorate the interior of the box for the humans in your life. It’s a whole new world, baby.

2. Enjoy a sunrise or sunset together.
Depending upon your mate’s aversion or diversion to the time of day, brew a pot of coffee and catch the sun as its rising or setting. Be still together. Soak in the colors and make cloud animals with your brains.

3. Make a tent in your living room.
This. just. happened. For our anniversary, we grabbed all the sheets, safety pins, clothes pins, chip clips and old rope we had and created an indoor tent. It’s a fun way to figure out how to work together, how to design your tent, and most importantly-what snacks will be inside of the tent. Build your tent over your tv and enjoy your favorite show or movie together while perched on pillows and blankets.

4. Hold a contest.
Challenge each other to find the most absurd signs that you can while out on a drive…

(4, Cont)…or in a store. It’s not hard to find human weirdness displayed in sign form. Snap a picture with your phone and let an unbiased third party be the judge.

5. Look through family photos.
Sounds a little boring, but in reality it’s not. Pull out that old bin of family photos and start telling each other stories (real or fanciful) about the people in them. You can make this a double date, of sorts, with other family members who enjoy the art of story telling.

6. Grab a $1 slice or pizza and head to the park.
Pack a few extras from home to round out dinner. Perch on a pretty spot and enjoy your simple picnic. Sunset is the best time of the day to enjoy this date. Uber romantic.

7. Have an indoor picnic.
Still too cold outside to enjoy an outdoor picnic? Pack up fruit, cheese and whatever else you have on hand and hang out in the living room-or some other room you don’t frequent. (Sometimes my favorite spot is the guest bedroom). Throw a blanket on the ground and enjoy your “picnic”.

8. Go camping.
Hate bugs? Hate waking up cold? Hate brewing your coffee in the shower house because that’s the only outlet? Well, too bad. Deal with it. Camping can bring a couple together if you go into it with an adventurous spirit. Take a hike together, see who can toss sticks the furthest, climb a tree, sit on a rock. Just BE together and quit complaining.

9. Dress up and photograph yourselves.
Make a costume out of whatever you have on hand-sheets are great capes, colanders are great hats, wooden spoons are perfect scepters, grannies old dress is hilarious on the manly spouse. You get the idea. Then, set up a tripod and photograph yourselves in various poses. Trust me, this is fun. Why do you think we do it every year with our Christmas Cards?

10. Sit on the back porch together.
Light a fire, snuggle down and be still together. No phones, no computer-just the two of you. Enjoy.

I’d love to hear any date ideas you may have. Comment below, please!

The second most important thing to a Fire Station

Biceps has begun his “real life” as a firefighter, right here in our hometown. Before the Academy, he was employed as a firefighter by another city, driving back and forth for almost two hours. But, now he’s here and just a few miles down the road. Boo yeah.

It may be a bit of a boys’ club, but they don’t ever turn away cookies, cakes or ice cream.

Trust me.

I’ve learned something by visiting these men a few times. Sure, they have to fight fires, kick in doors, and chainsaw through roofs in order to save homes and lives. Yes, they arrive on scene to DOA’s, horrible car accidents, child abuse situations and people stuck in cherry pickers.

Because of this, they look like superheroes to me-taking care of business when I would be crumpled to the ground in an emotional heap-wreck. (Yes, that’s a word.)

But underneath all the bunker gear, the breathing apparatus and the helmet, they’re still just men.

Men who love their families, their hobbies and their food.

The first time I was invited to the station, I was full-blown nervous. I wore a tank top so that my sweaty pits could breathe. I wore heels so that I would look like I took this invitation seriously. And, I made a mustache cake. I knew if I totally bombed, at least I would have a dessert to make up for it.

I arrived on scene to six firefighting men hovering over a commercial grade stove, taking their jobs of cooking very seriously. A ham was being carved, a skillet full of green beans was being stirred, stuffing was warming in the oven and the mashed potatoes were still steaming.

Whatever I was worried about was for nought. Dinner with five strangers and Biceps couldn’t haven’t been more perfect-the food was amazing and the conversation happened easily. And bonus-I didn’t say one stupid thing. However, my pits did sweat-it was stinkin’ hot in that kitchen. It’s like these guys are around fire all day long, or something.

During the meal, I soon realized how seriously these men took their cooking. “There would be no taco salad or sloppy joe’s made here,” they said. Besides saving lives, cooking was the most important thing they did on shift.

And then, Biceps was asked to make dinner. You must understand that although helpful in the kitchen, Biceps doesn’t really cook.

He was full-blown nervous. We went over a proposed menu numerous times, what times to start each item, how to tell when it’s done and all the little things us cooks forget we do.

“Oh yeah, of course you add olive oil. That kind of goes without saying.” Mr. Details (Biceps) disagreed.

He settled on mesquite chicken, broccoli and mashed potatoes. Total success, of course. And then, he was asked to make dinner again-this time sushi. Another total success.

He’s becoming a regular Julia Child-who happens to wear a helmet from time to time and run into burning buildings to pull out kitty cats and babies. How hot is that?

I guess a girl can have it all.