A Revelation
I’ve never been one to want to smell a baby’s head, cuddle it while it’s crying or envision myself as a mom. I don’t get gooey over anything baby related other than tiny shoes. Seriously-tiny shoes are cute.
I know that the mothering side to me is there-my heart is not completely black. And I’ll admit to being a little jealous of women that had these motherly attributes that were seemingly and utterly “all that is female”. But for some reason, whether I was scared of admitting it or worried it may never happen, I wouldn’t allow myself to feel this way about a child. I love children, and I love them more when you’re taking care of their poopy diaper.
I was completely ok with life being only Biceps and I (and maybe a cat or two). Or so I thought. And then I hit 35 and the thought of having a little stubborn mini-Biceps running around shooting at squirrels with a stick, throwing rocks into ponds and generally being a boy overwhelmed me. Or maybe even a little mini-Rebekah with sassy pigtails organizing her stuffed animals.
But nothing happened. For awhile. Like a long while. Women all around me seemed to get pregnant with ease. I was happy for them, but there was that twinge. It’s like that feeling after a break-up when all you see are happy couples and you’re sitting alone in the corner with your single served ice cream glaring at them like a freak.
I’ve been that freak on more than one occasion. And here I was again. Well-meaning women would ask why we didn’t have children or why I didn’t like kids. My heart was ripped open one day, and I wrote this–A Letter from a Childless Wife.
It was cathartic but also extremely revealing to write something so raw for the world to read, to pass on to others or to judge me by. But, I did it with the hope that even if we couldn’t conceive, others might know the pain I, or any other childless wife, might feel each time their “motherly duties” were questioned.
And then, this happened.
I am blessed beyond words to share this revelation with all of you. I am honored that God chose this time for us to conceive. And, I covet your prayers as we move forward to our due date of April 22nd.
Biceps and I are finally going to be parents. Amen and amen.
♥♥(If you are in the midst of or have been through this same story, I would love to lift you up as you did for me when I wrote my letter. Privately email me or comment below.) ♥♥
So so happy for you and your husband, congratulations!!
Thank you so much, Vere! We are over the moon. Now, to get on decorating a nursery… 🙂
Smile. Smilesmilesmilesmile. SMILE! I am so happy for you two – parenthood is going to be a wonderfully good thing for you to experience and share those joyful Rebekah insights. I can hardly wait for those but, for now, it’s a happiness time and I’m glad you shared. Love you!
Chris-
You are so sweet! I hope I have some insights during this time-it may be the ramblings of a tired, mad woman…but who knows?! Thanks for sharing in our joy!
Congratulations you two! I know God chose the perfect time for y’all to become parents and I look forward to reading about the next chapter in your lives. Praying for a safe, healthy and happy pregnancy and I’d also love to see Kayle gain some sympathy weight 🙂
You are so ornery, Karen! But, I’ll tell him you said so. Who knows-he may have a bowl of ice cream (or two) right alongside me! 🙂
It’s hard to sit there next to someone eating ice cream without having some yourself. 🙂
Congratulations to you and Biceps!!! How wonderful!
Oh! I am so thrilled for you!!! Tears and goosebumps at the same time. Here’s to the happiest, most exhausting, wonderful, full of laughter, happy and sad tears and years of wonder to come. Enjoy every minute. Even the rough ones. Time truly does fly. My babies are 29 and 25, lol.
What joy!! Praying for you and your sweet hubby! This an amazing time of wonder and recognizing God’s amazing miracle in your lives! Get ready for unbelievable, life invigorating, joy infused, God breathed change! God has been preparing you these past years to be just the parents this precious one needs!! God bless you dear one!
Congratulations! I am so thrilled for you and your husband. I know you two will make wonderful parents.
I love your blog. I found you when I was looking for homemade cleaning products. (Thank you so much for your “recipes.” ) But though I was searching for laundry soap, I found so much more. Your blog is such a blessing.
The day you wrote “the Letter,” I cried for you. And then I stopped and prayed for you. Today, I cried again, and prayed again.
God bless you, all three of you.
P.S. I just hope you don’t get so busy you don’t have time to continue your blog. I’d miss you/it so much.
God bless you both.
YAYYYYYY!!! I’ve been praying for yall daily for over a year now. SO grateful for God’s path and his timing. Congrats!!!
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Tiny little girl shoes; pink with bows and sparkles. I saw a pair like that tonight.
Rebekah (awh, you’ll always be my little Becky!), when your mother became pregnant with you we were thrilled to say the least! I know your little one(s? I’m just sayin’!)) will bring you & Kayle great joy (and maybe a challenge or two!)! Enjoy, time really does fly by! Love, Dad
I am soooooo excited for you! I must say I am almost as excited for you and Biceps as I was when I found out I was gonna be a grandma! (Our granddaughter is due in Jan). Cowboy would have been thrilled! Much love and prayers to all of you!