Top Ten Reasons to be a Dad

I am not a dad, but I do have one. And in the 34 years of knowing my Dad, I’ve learned why he chose to be a Dad-along with a few other things, like:

Duct tape fixes everything, even flip flops.

But, here are the top ten reasons that I think my Dad became a dad.

1. You can pretty much wear anything, if you’re a dad. You might even hear, “Oh, that’s just my dad.”

2. Mustaches look sleazy on most guys, but if you have a wedding ring and your toting around 4 kids, you can get by with it.

3. You have the right to embarrass your kids-because, after all-you can punish them if they make fun of you.

4. You finally get to say, “Don’t make me turn this car around!”.

5. When you become a dad, you automatically know how to carve a turkey, change the oil, fix a garbage disposer, change a diaper and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Or not.

6. You always get to say the prayer at the dinner table, making it as long-winded as you want.

7. If you are awesome-like my Dad is-your kids will grow up to think you are the most amazing father in the world. And they will tell you often. And visit you. And call you. And hug you.

8. But, even if you are awesome-you will also hear a lot of stupidity out of your children as they grow up. Because, let’s face it. Kids are stupid. But, since you’re awesome, you remain calm, pray for sanity and spank on.

9. You get to say, “Because I said so”, and “Because your mother said so.” You prefer the first, but will use the latter if need be.

10. You get presents on father’s day, including-but not limited to: licorice, updated clothing items, bar-b-que gift certificates, hand-painted art projects, perhaps a reenactment of your life put on in a dramatic form complete with costumes, and socks.

Who wouldn’t want to be a dad? Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I LOVE YOU!